Distance
by Josephine Stone
Summary: Pansy can't empathise with regrets, but she'll follow Hermione through the days of the past war forever if that is what it takes for Hermione to get over her own.


**Beta:** digthewriter  
 **Written For:** ayebydan for femmefest  
 **Pairing:** Hermione/Pansy  
 **Era:** Post-Hogwarts  
 **Content:** *Time Travel, Character Death*  
 **Summary:** Pansy can't empathise with regrets, but she'll follow Hermione through the days of the past war forever if that is what it takes for Hermione to get over her own.

* * *

Pansy couldn't sympathise with regrets; she couldn't even empathise with them. What was simply was, and there was no changing the past only learning from it. Hermione seemed to second guess every decision she made. _Had she done this instead of that would less people have died? Had she not hesitated when she saw Greybacks' attack, would Lavendar have survived? If she never found that Time Turner, would Ron and Harry still be alive?_

The problem, of course, was that the answer was always yes.

Potter and Weasley would have survived as they died the first time they used the Time Turner, but then who else would have died without it? How many people had Hermione saved with its use?

She stood at the gate and could see Hermione standing in the distance, staring down at a headstone. Sometimes Pansy had to visit a dozen graveyards, before she found Hermione staring at a random headstone, twisting the silver chain of her Time Turner around her fingers. But this was the graveyard she always started with; the one where Potter was buried.

It was early morning. The sky had begun to light signaling the sun's arrival would be soon. She watched Hermione, who hadn't noticed Pansy yet. Sometimes Hermione would leave the graveyards on her own, and Pansy wouldn't have to make her way through them.

She preferred that.

She preferred the distance between them, especially when Hermione's thoughts were wrapped up in the past.

Hermione slipped the Time Turner's chain around her neck. Even watching her carefully, Pansy wasn't quick enough to get to her before she began to whine the dial. Pansy called her name as she ran towards her, but Hermione didn't pull the chain away or stop the Time Turner from spinning.

Their eyes met as Hermione disappeared.

'Fuck,' Pansy said, dropping to the ground in the spot that Hermione disappeared from. She stared at the tombstone, and said, 'Fuck you, Potter.'

The graveyard was flat with few places to hide near it. Pansy knew the first rule of time travel was never to let you see yourself. Still it made Pansy nervous when Hermione didn't appear right away. She could be there, watching Pansy from behind one of the buildings while she tried to decide whether or not she wanted to cross the distance and deal with the inevitable fight. But she also could have fucked up worse and not made it back in time. Or even worse than that—

Pansy didn't like thinking of _all_ the possibilities.

The tombstone didn't change. It never did, and it never would.

It wasn't the first time Hermione had used the Time Turner. It wasn't like the one Hermione had told Pansy she'd used at school. It didn't take her back a few hours. It took her back _weeks_.

Pansy didn't know half of what Hermione had done when she went back, but she knew without being told that she wouldn't be alive if Hermione hadn't made a mistake on one of her trips.

The thing that scared Pansy the most was that she'd lose something. That Hermione would change something in the past that took a treasured memory from her. Pansy closed her eyes and tried to remember what Hermione looked like. How she smelled. What it felt like the first time Hermione kissed her.

'It doesn't work like that,' Hermione said as she walked up behind her.

Pansy jumped. They'd had that conversation many times, but it still felt as though Hermione read her mind sometimes.

'I'm sorry.' Hermione's expression was blank and her clothes were fresh and clean; they often were when she appeared again. 'I didn't mean to scare you.'

Pansy turned back to the grave. Nothing about it had changed. Potter was still dead.

'If you can't change the past, then why do you keep going back?'

Hermione didn't answer. She held out her hand to Pansy to help her up, but Pansy ignored it. She hated the graveyards, but she hated Hermione's disappearances more. Why couldn't she just mourn her friends like Pansy did? Why did she have to keep going back to watch them die over and over again?

'What happened this time?'

'Nothing you don't know about.'

'You always say that.'

Hermione slumped down beside her with a heavy sigh. They sat in the silence both angry at each other. Pansy was angry that Hermione refused to share everything with her, forcing the distance between them to grow even when they were close, and Hermione was angry that Pansy wanted her to. It was in the past after all, and Pansy was big on leaving the past in the past.

But she couldn't leave it there when Hermione kept returning to it. The past could very well take Hermione away forever, and that very much affected Pansy's future.

'I go back to make sure nothing changes.'

Pansy rolled her eyes. 'How many times do you need to check?'

'I'm not checking, I'm—I have to go back because I was there. I did things that saved people, and I have to go back to do them.'

She was one of the people Hermione had saved during the Battle at Hogwarts. Though McGonagall had said she should be the first to leave, once she got to the portrait they had made her help all the younger students get out and away from the battle as quickly as possible. Their safety was more important than her possible disloyalty to the school was how they put it. Pansy wondered if this was the time Hermione had saved her, or if it was long before. Pansy was too frightened at the time to remember exactly what Hermione had looked like. She was there pulling Pansy out of the way of a stray curse and then gone in the next moment.

'How many people did you save?'

Hermione kept her eyes on the ground. 'I don't know.'

'What if you die?'

'I'm not going to die,' Hermione said, confidently. 'No one remembers seeing me die.'

Pansy thought about it and then said, 'There has to be a quicker way to go about this than going back months and then waiting months just to go back again.'

'I only go back when I learn of a new place I was supposed to be. I don't know how long it's going to take me, but I also don't want to leave you alone too long.'

'Well, that's simple to fix,' Pansy said. 'Take me with you. Then you won't have to keep waiting around doing nothing to return here over and over again.' It had already begun to age Hermione. Pansy didn't mind the change of her appearance, but she hated the feeling of being left behind even if it was only a few minutes in her own life. Each time put more distance between them, and Pansy felt that they were already stretched too thin. Pansy started to formulate a speech for all the reasons it made sense to bring her along, sure that Hermione would refuse, saying it was too dangerous.

But she didn't, Hermione simply nodded.

'I thought that would be harder.' Pansy smiled and leaned into Hermione.

'I knew it was coming; I've already let you come along.'

In other words, Hermione had run into herself. She'd seen them together before.

'It's how I knew I needed to save you.' Hermione paused as she remembered the scene; the part she's experienced as she watched the part she had yet to. 'I saw you shield a young Hufflepuff boy right next to me as I hexed the man who was after her. Then I followed us. We were talking about it, about how I'd saved you. About how it was probably happening right then, and how we weren't too far away from the tunnel. I ran to see if there was another me there because I hadn't remembered saving you before, but once I got there, I realised that I was the one meant to save you.'

Pansy stood and reached her hand out to Hermione.

Hermione looked up to her, her eyes bright. 'I don't have plan; I'm just reacting.'

That was very unlike her. One of the very few things Hermione and Pansy had in common was their love of organization and planning. War made it difficult. It was chaos, and Pansy had been so glad it was over.

And yet she was willing, ready to follow Hermione back into for as long as it took to get Hermione to leave it behind.

'Well, we know at least one place we'll need to be . . .'

Hermione smiled and took Pansy hand, and allowed Pansy to pull her to her feet. Hermione closed the distance between them and kissed her. Then pulled out her Time Turner.

Hermione slipped the chain around both their necks, spun the dial, and whispered, 'Thank you,' before they disappeared into the past.


End file.
